Bouncing Back

Thanks for the support yesterday. I am doing much better today. I feel bad about complaining about The Mister. He really is moving forward on getting this test run quite quickly. I was just in one of those moods where I suddenly wanted it done *yesterday*!

Part of what sent me into a tailspin were several, seemingly unrelated things I've been reading on various blogs. Several people are in the process of making (or have recently made) the switch from pursuing treatments to pursuing adoption. While I am happy for all of them, reading about their choices reminds me that I may be making that decision for myself someday soon. As I said in my Dollars and $ense post, I don't know what my tipping point will be, but I am certain that I will recognize it when it comes.

At the same time, the first of the pregnant bloggers I've been following just gave birth to her daughter. Reading her birth story has reminded me of just exactly why I want so very much to experience pregnancy and birth at least once.

I also received a very concrete reminder that my MTHFR mutation will put me at increased risk for preeclamsia, prematurity, and stillbirth, all three. I know that this doesn't happen to everyone with MTHFR, but I had managed to keep the "increased risk" statistic as a statistic in my head. One that I was willing to live with. Now, it is suddenly much more concrete . . . My baby could die. I could get really sick. There is no way to predict if that will happen to me or not, but I am at increased risk.

Add these things to my realization that if The Mister has issues with his sperm, it will take at least 90 days for any improvement to occur, and the fact that at this time last year I was pregnant with Astin, and, well, I spiraled into a freak out. The Mister being in a bad mood because of his own stuff just made it that much harder to cope. Things are much better today. The Mister managed to fix the thing that he was freaking out about, and I got a good night's sleep. My music lesson went well and I had a nice walk & talk with Gwyn. Now that everything else has calmed down, I'm able to face the possibility of waiting longer to TTCAL again with more equanimity.