Hope Returning

Thanks everyone for all your support on my last post! It really helped! I am feeling much better and much more hopeful for my own chances of a healthy pregnancy, soon.

Gwyn was very sensitive to how difficult her news might be for me when she told me, even telling me that if I needed to spend less time with her for a while she would understand. I won't go into details, but she has had her own fertility journey and is somewhat of a mentor to me (she already has one living child). So my worries weren't so much about the immediate future, as about the long term, if I don't have an ongoing pregnancy, soon, myself. I know I won't have to worry about conversations suddenly turning pregnancy-only, and that Gwyn really understands what it's like to be happy for someone else and sad for yourself.

In other news, The Mister and I have started talking about names. It feels like a really hopeful thing to be able to talk about names and consider them. In fact, I'm feeling really hopeful, overall. Some of the optimism and hope I felt a year ago, when we were first planning to get pregnant, has returned. Of course, that doesn't mean I'm no longer affected by grief or envy, just that it is now tempered with more hope. I'm allowing myself to feel hopeful, to daydream a little bit, to imagine a baby again. I'm tired of living with my heart closed. It just makes me miserable in the present. So I'm trying to enjoy the present by hoping for the future. (That sounds really strange, but it's the best description I can give.)

I also had my first Mayan Abdominal Massage session yesterday. I went, mainly for some digestive issues, but I know it will help with making sure my reproductive organs are optimally positioned, as well. It felt really good to have someone touch me like that. I used to get massages regularly, but since I've been spending so much money on acupuncture, I stopped. I think this will be really good for me, on a lot of levels.

Oh! and I also wanted to mention that (as many of you probably already know) Blogger went nuts last week and I lost a few comments. I did read them, before they disappeared, but I don't know how to reconstruct them. So if your comments didn't appear to publish or seem to have gotten deleted in the past couple of days, it's because of Blogger. I didn't personally delete anything.