Drawing Lines

First, welcome to ICLW. This is my first time participating. I was going to write a boring post introducing myself, but then, in looking at other ICLW blogs, I found two posts on how lines form within the IF community. You can read them here & here. So instead of just a time-line, I'm going to weave my story in with my thoughts about drawing lines.

For the past few months, I have felt indescribably alone. I have thought that no-one could possibly understand, because no-one's experience is exactly like mine. I conceive super easily. Which is turning out to be more curse than blessing, because it means that if we don't want to risk another miscarriage, we have to actively avoid pregnancy until we can find some treatment that will lower the risk of miscarriage. My miscarriages occurred before I got a BFP, which doesn't make sense to me. How could my hormone levels be high enough to produce unmistakable pregnancy symptoms, but too low to show up on an HPT? Someone explain that!

So now I wonder where I belong. I sort of belong with the babyloss mama's, but not really. Most of them had later losses. I sort of belong with the IFers, but not really, most of them had to try really hard to even get pregnant in the first place. Although we all experience many of the same emotions, I have been looking at the differences in our situation and drawing a line around myself, saying, "because no-one is just like me, I must be alone." But the two posts I read today made me realize that I don't have to be alone. I'm isolating myself. And I have the option of opening up to feel the support and love that is there. So I'm going to try to be more accepting of those who offer me support. I'm also going to try to be more compassionate and less judgmental and to look beyond our differences to what we all share in common--the desire to be mothers and the pain of lost dreams.