Crash

I crashed tonight emotionally. I know it's partly hormones. I can always feel a difference when the progesterone takes over after I O. But I also feel like I had it coming. I was doing really well, being really productive, getting lots of things done and feeling optimistic. I still have at least a chance of a home birth--I clarified that with my midwife. I made an appointment with one RE and got a referral to a second one. So that's a good start. Things are going quite well. Or they were. I guess I ran out of steam.

Tonight I went to my Music Docent training class and got totally overwhelmed. I have no idea how I am going to cope with planning weekly lessons, I can barely even keep up with the homework. They gave us 22 pages to read in 36 hours. Not Fair! Couldn't they have given us a heads up about that over the weekend? I know, I know, it's only week 3 of training. We have at least 6 more weeks, but I feel totally lost. It's fun, and I'm good at singing, but the prep work & teaching & classroom management have me totally intimidated.

I also have a Sunday School lesson to prepare for this Sunday. I have an outline, but I haven't practiced or figured out what materials I need. Ugh. I'm drowning. Sinking. Feeling very pessimistic. Yesterday, I could picture myself having a live baby in a year or so. Today I can only picture another miscarriage. What if I get treatment, but it's still not enough to keep me pregnant? What if I have to go through another miscarriage before they get the dosage right? How do I choose the doctor who will be best at figuring out what I need? Why does treating clotting disorders have to be so hit-&-miss? Ugh.