Mini-Vacation

The Mister and I took a two night mini-vacation over Christmas. We went to a local B&B--the one where we stayed on our wedding night--and enjoyed a couple of days out of our normal territory.

One of the best parts, for me, was having a break from cooking. After my second miscarriage, I have progressively put myself on more and more strict diets. If I go into the details, you will probably wonder what I do eat, so I'll spare us all the confusion of trying to explain. The simple version is that eating out means going off my diet. There are no restaurants that serve the kind of food I cook for myself at home. But for the past two days, I gave myself full permission to enjoy whatever I wanted. I did my best to minimize my transgressions, but I didn't sweat it. It may not have been good for my digestive system, but boy was it good for my psyche. I really needed that break!

It was also I really good chance to re-connect as a couple, on many levels. Of course there was the physical level of things. ;-) But we also deepened our communication and emotional connection. This weekend was the first time The Mister actually voiced his fear about trying again, and the hurt he sometimes feels, seeing other people's children. It made a world of difference to hear him express those feelings. He's been saying, "I'm in your corner," for months, but hearing him say he's scared of what might happen when we try again, and that he sometimes feels bad when he sees other people's children, helped me believe that we really are in this together. It gave my psyche an amazing boost. For so long, it's seemed as if I was walking this road of pain alone. This weekend, when The Mister showed me some of his pain, somehow it made my pain seem more bearable. Somehow, knowing that he is also emotionally effected by this whole process, makes it seem like we are sharing a joint burden, which makes the burden somehow lighter.