Wigging Out

After one day of feeling happy and excited about our decision to try again in Jan, I am officially wigging out. I think part of what did it was telling Ms. Bird. Now it seems so much more official. I suddenly feel a lot of pressure.

It's hard to write about this, because I know that so many of my readers struggle to get pregnant in the first place, but I really don't know how I'll react if we don't conceive our first cycle of trying. So far, we've conceived whenever we've been even a little sloppy about b/c, so if we don't conceive, I'll be surprised. I feel like there is a lot of pressure to properly "try" this time, instead of just ditching b/c and seeing what happens, like we did before, because we're not the only ones involved. Now my acupuncturist knows we're going to TTC. She needs to know to give me the right treatment, but it makes it less private and, for me at least, increases the pressure I feel to make sure we do everything we can to succeed from our side.

(Please don't hate me for conceiving so easily. Please. I know most of you are probably somewhat jealous, and I can deal with that, but please don't hate me!)

Anyway, I'm also wigging out about having to learn how to shoot myself up with Love.nox. Because much as I love Dr. R., I am pretty disappointed that he didn't instruct me in how to do this. He told me to just go on You Tube and watch some videos. I did that this morning, and it freaked me out even more. I hate needles. I'm getting better with them with acupuncture and having several blood draws this fall, but I am not looking forward to self-injections.

I'm planning to go over to my pharmacy and ask the pharmacist about who could teach me how to do this. One thing I'm really worried about is that, because I'm fairly thin, I don't have much of a sub-cue layer to work with, and I'm afraid the needle will go in too far and I'll end up doing a intra-muscular instead of sub-cue. (again, please don't hate me. It's not like I work at it. In fact I have to work to gain weight, but that's another story . . . )

Hello paranoia and anxiety. I'm going to get to be real cozy with you over the next few months. ;-p Luckily, Circle+Bloom is still helping me relax, especially at night, so I'm still sleeping okay. Knock on wood.