I've been going through the Creme de la Creme really slowly, so I decided to go at it from both ends. I figure, if I read at least one post from the top and the bottom of the list each day, eventually I'll meet myself in the middle somewhere. ;-) Yesterday, I read this post and all the links in it, and it hasn't let go of me. One thing that really struck me was from an article that, apparently, was big news in the ALI community back in 2009, before my initiation by RPL. One theme of the article was that women in the waiting rooms at fertility clinics don't talk to each other. They don't even make eye contact. Cancer patients swap stories and tips, but IF patients isolate themselves. I wonder why we do this. I certainly do it.
Today, at my acupuncture appointment, I was leaving as another woman was arriving. I wanted to say "Hi" and start a conversation, but she wouldn't meet my eye. So I stayed silent. Maybe I can ask my acupuncturists about connecting with some of her other patients. She specializes in fertility, so it would be safe to assume that many of her patients would have stories in common. If we connected with each other, maybe we would find support. Don't get me wrong, I love the support I get from all of you who read my blog, but I still long to feel less isolated in my day to day life, and meeting more women IRL struggling with IF/RPL could help with that. Yet I hesitated to reach out to that woman today, because she seemed uncomfortable and I didn't want to make her more uncomfortable.
Maybe the silence begins when we feel we can't talk to our family or friends, because they wouldn't understand or have made insensitive comments. We begin to put develop a persona that says, "Don't mess with me. I'm not available." Then when we are in a place like a fertility clinic waiting room, where it might be safe to open up and talk to others, we are in the habit of behaving in a closed way. Plus, if everyone else is acting closed, then each person sees no encouragement, and no one wants to make herself vulnerable by trying to start a conversation.
I don't know. What do you all think?
I made that same comment to my husband when we were at the RE last time. The reason I don't do it is because I figured everyone is in their own place in their journey, and some women aren't ready to talk about it. I know there have been some times I've been in the RE's office and don't feel like talking to anyone, whereas other times I wouldn't have minded.
ReplyDeleteI think the other reason I don't is because over the last 7 years I have gotten really tired of being a listening ear and sounding board for a fellow infertile, only to watch them get pregnant and basically never talk to me again. I am scared to be in that position. I do have a face-to-face support group, and that feels enough for now.
I will say that I always make eye contact and smile. So I am open if it does happen.
Sorry my comment is so long, I just found it funny that hubby and I were just talking about this. :)