We Have Lift Off

Literally. In the original sense of the phrase. This morning, The Mister and I watched the launch of the first of the line of products for which he is a test engineer. The launch was successful, and item number one is now out in space, fully operational and ready to go. It was quite exciting and special to be able to watch the launch together. I can't say much more about specifics, since I really don't know much due to security clearances and so forth. Suffice to say, this was a big deal for The Mister, and the success means that he will probably continue to have excellent employment. Which is good. :-)

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Later, we watched The Blind Side. I really enjoyed it. The story made a good movie. But I have to say that, even though I know it was based on a true story, it's a one-in-a-million story. Most foster kids don't grow up continuing to believe that the world is a good place. Most of them end up living very, very difficult lives. Most of them are seriously traumatized. A story like that is not a good reason to become a foster parent, not because foster parents can't make a big difference in kids lives, they can, but because too much was glossed over. Maybe the real, nitty-gritty daily grind was that simple, but I doubt it. When you condense two years into two hours, stuff is going to get left out. And since this was a success story, I bet a lot of what got left out was hard stuff.

It can't be easy to live with a kid as silent as Micheal Oher was. For weeks and months and years. That kind of silence, that unwillingness to let people in very deep, that's got to be hard to live with. I bet there were a lot of frustrations along the way for those parents. And I bet there was a lot that their biological kids put up with, particularly in the beginning, particularly from their peers at school.

I am not a foster parent (yet) but I have read enough, researched enough, to recognize a dramatization for what it is. At the end, there is a comparison made between Micheal Oher and another kid from his same neighborhood. Micheal Oher went on to fame and fortune, and the other kid died in a gang shooting. Both had athletic talent. One is rich and famous and the other is dead. The subtle implication was that, with a more stable home and legal guardians or adoptive parents, the kid who died would have made it. I think that's an over-simplification. I think a big part of Micheal Oher's success was his personality and the personalities of the couple who became his legal guardians. Another kid in the same situation, would have had a different reaction.

It's too simple to say that all these kids need is a stable home and parents to love them. Most of them need a whole lot more. Figuring out what they need and offering it to them is hard enough, but not all of them will accept help, even when it is available. You can lead a horse to water and all that. I'm not blaming the kids for not accepting what's offered. It's just that, when you endure abuse and trauma from a young age, the psychological scars can make it really hard to trust opportunities and make the most of them. The kids in the foster system have been effected by their experiences. How they respond will be part history, part personality. Each child has a different way of coping with what life throws at him or her. There is no one simple fix that will make life better for all these kids. If only it were that easy.

When I think about the challenges of foster parenting, I wonder why I am so drawn to it. Am I being realistic, or am I buying into the fairytale that stories like The Blind Side portray? Do I really have what it takes to be a foster parent? Or will I crack under the strain? I know no one can answer these questions for me ahead of time, but it's something to think about.

P.S. Stop by To Many Fish To Fry to read a very interesting post and comment discussion about Mother's Day in the ALI community.

P.P.S. Thanks to everyone who answered my questions on my last post. You reminded me that hope takes many forms. I may not have a lot of hope for a successful pregnancy right now, but I do have hope for a future and the many different ways I can share my life with children.