Searching for the Right Support

For the past few months, I've been looking for additional in-person support. I have one support group I've been attending for over a year. It's a general TTC group--not even IF specific--although most of the other people I've met there have some sort of fertility issue. It's run by a lovely woman who is a good listener and a good facilitator. Discussion usually flows well. However, the group is really small--sometimes it's been just me and the facilitator. It's nice to have the one-on-one attention, but it's not the same as a group meeting. Also, the unofficial focus is on natural methods of dealing with fertility issues, so it's more of a place to discuss acupuncturists and herbs than doctors and treatment protocols. When Dr. R. and Ms. Bird started talking immunology, I started looking for additional support, wanting to find a place where I could voice my skepticism and hear other peoples stories of how they came to terms with using such new treatments.

The first place I tried was a RESOLVE group. It's a large, active group: I think there were 14 people at the meeting I attended. Because of the size of the group, most of the time was spent in each person telling their story, and there was literally no time left for general discussion at the end. I was overwhelmed by the sheer size of the group, and even more overwhelmed listening to story after story of conception challenges, 3rd party reproduction, IVF, etc. I felt very out of place. Even though there were several people there dealing with immune issues and/or loss on top if IF, the lack of other points of similarity made me uncomfortable. I haven't been back, but I may give it another chance at some point.

Then I found out about a RPL specific group. This sounded perfect, and the first meeting just about was. I felt really comfortable, I liked the facilitator, and the group was small enough to really allow for some good discussion. Unfortunately, my second experience was not as positive. At my first meeting, I had been able to talk about the immune treatments I was considering, and felt supported in moving forward with them. However, at my second meeting, when I was telling my story, the facilitator stopped me from describing my immune treatments. No one else even mentioned immune treatments, and I got the feeling that they were a taboo subject. I confirmed this with the facilitator afterwards. She tried to convince me to keep coming for the other aspects of "emotional support", but I hadn't gotten any emotional support. I had given support to others, but the only thing I came there needing support on was the challenges I have had in making the decision to go ahead with immune treatments, even though they are very, very new. And I wasn't allowed to talk about that.

So that leaves me stuck. I can talk about my immune treatments in group one, but since no-one else is doing them, it's just talking. In group two, I feel intimidated by the size of the group and the gulf between conception treatments and RPL treatments seems almost too wide to bridge. In group three, there is the commonality of RPL, but I'm not allowed to talk about the one thing that sent me seeking additional support. So I'm left feeling very discouraged. :-(

Sometimes it seems to me that, either you embrace reproductive immunology wholeheartedly and believe staunchly that it is the be all and end all of infertility/miscarriage treatments, or you are skeptical and decide not to do the treatments. I am skeptical, but willing to try it. Is there anyone else out there in the middle-ground camp with me?