A Breather **UPDATED**

Thanks so much for the supportive comments on my last post. It really helped to read them. And today, I woke up feeling much better. Yesterday was awful: lots of emotions and crying and just feeling dead when I had to be in public, which was far too much of the day. I was running around doing errands on my bike in the morning before it got too hot, then home to make 3 days worth of meals so I won't have to cook today or tomorrow, then out again (this time in the car) to the lab for the blood draw for my tests. I should know the results by Friday--Monday at the latest. (I'm actually crossing my fingers that I have FVL, & that it's the only thing I have, so I can get treated and have a good chance of a healthy pregnancy.) Then home briefly for dinner and out again for my Music for Minors training class. I got home last night completely exhausted. I was in bed by 10:30 & asleep by 11 (that's good for me, I haven't been sleeping well the past week or so) & I woke up this morning feeling refreshed.

I think part of it was the dream I had last night. We'd had a baby. The birth wasn't part of the dream. For some reason I hadn't been conscious for the birth itself, and the dream was about meeting the baby for the first time. He was a boy, and big and healthy. I was so happy to have him. We were still in the hospital with him, and getting ready to take him home. I kept having to send DH to get things like a going home outfit for our son and his car seat. And then I woke up.

Even though the dream was fairly short, it left me with a feeling of peace and hope. I think part of what I realized in the dream is that having a healthy baby will be worth the challenges of an increased risk pregnancy. I'm starting to believe that I'll be able to handle this new twist in my life. And that feels really good.

I'm glad I'm feeling more at peace today, because I'm going to observe an experienced music docent teaching her class in a few hours and then talk to her after her class is over. With this whole training, I'm really enjoying the music part, but most of the other trainees are moms with kids, and several are pregnant. It's hard to be in a room with them, and I've been avoiding making friends. Teaching the kids will be fine. It's being around parents that's hard for me. So when I found out that the docent I'm observing wants to talk to me after the class, I got worried. What if she asks if I have kids? The way I was feeling yesterday, I thought I'd probably lose it. But today, I think I'll be able to handle it. It won't be easy, but I'm not on the verge of tears the way I was yesterday. I'll let you know how it goes.

~ . ~ . ~ . ~ . ~ . ~ . ~ Update ~ . ~ . ~ . ~ . ~ . ~ . ~

The class went well. No chit-chat about personal stuff, just business & learning. Turned out I was there for her first class of two, so there wasn't as much chatting time as I had feared, and I did learn some things--like how Kindergartners really behave and what it really takes to teach them a song or keep them focused on the activity at hand.