Then I crashed. Huge amounts of anger and irritation started pouring out of me, mostly directed at my poor, patient husband. It was totally unfair on my part, and I knew it, but I couldn't find a constructive way to get rid of all that energy. This morning, it woke me up at 3:30 am and turned into serious anxiety. Over a really small detail. It kept me awake for over an hour (unusual for me). Finally, it occurred to me that I have some soothing music on my mp3 player I could turn on, and that bought me some calm and a little more rest before I needed to get up for the day.
What had me so stressed was this: I have an appointment with my midwife in about 10 days to discuss my test results etc. The problem is that the midwife has her office in a "family resource center" where all the blissfully ignorant mama's and moms-to-be go. On top of that, both the midwife and her helper/greeter have young babies (about a year old I think) that they keep with them. (I used to be totally in favor of mom's bringing their babies to work with them. It sounded like a great idea until I had to face moms-with-babies-in-tow post miscarriage. Now, I wish babies and kids could be kept in a totally separate part of the world, solely for the benefit of RPL/IF people like me.) To add even more difficulties, this helper/greeter person knows me and will want to chat. So instead of being able to bury myself in knitting or a book while I wait for my appointment, I will have to make small talk with an innocent new mom who has no idea what it's like to go through a miscarriage. Ugh.
I'm trying to figure out how to broach my concerns about this with the midwife ahead of time, and possibly avoid awkwardness, without being overly demanding. Any suggestions? How does one politely say,
Dear Midwife,
Please tell your helper/greeter person to leave me alone and just let me read my book while I'm waiting for my appointment. Oh, and by the way, can you have her watch your baby while I'm talking to you, so I don't have to be reminded of what I don't have the whole time please? Thanks!
Your Needy, Bitter, RPL Client.
That sounds like my personal version of hell. My suggestion for the helper is either iPod in the ears or a fake phone call. Like as in, "I have to step out and make a call..." and then just watch for her to wave you in when it's your turn. I've used both methods before and sometimes they help.
ReplyDeleteI've also found myself being more bold with people, but I'm not sure of your relationship with her. I was just thinking maybe you could say, "I just went through a miscarriage and it's hard for me to talk about babies right now. I hope you understand. I hope to be back to my old self soon." (Which we know you will never be the same after a miscarriage, but maybe that would satisfy her for a while.)
Here I am trying to solve your problem when I know it's really not solvable. Really, it all sounds just awful and I'm so sorry you have to go through that.
Oh I'm so very sorry that you are stressed out about this appointment - this is the last thing you need right now! You know what, I think sending a note to your midwife might be a great thing. Perhaps you could word it a little nicer, but it may be very beneficial. Just explain that you recently have experienced losses of babies, and you find being around new mothers and babies difficult. And if there is any way that the helper could allow you some quiet instead of talking while you're waiting for your appointment, it would be helpful. Or even a conversation over the phone or voicemail might help. You have to be proactive in asking for what you want and need, and reminding her of your needs will only help you in the end.
ReplyDeleteI hope your appointment goes well, and you can have some calmness this weekend!!!
I honestly have no idea. I hate to even ask, but given how you're feeling, are you comfortable still going there?
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry that the emotions are all building up again. I know you can make it through the appointment without too much baby overload.
ReplyDeleteThat's a tough one and I applaud you for wanting to go through it eventhough there will be challenges - babies and happy pregnant women. This midwife of yours must be worth it if you want to go through all that. But I hope your appointment goes well!
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