Ember Should Be Due Now

According to my pregnancy wheel, Ember would have been due on the 28th of January. I have been horribly sad and emotional since Thursday, when I posted about having a sad day. Friday I had a bit of a reprieve, which is odd, since that was the 28th itself, then Saturday was super hard, and Sunday somewhat difficult. I'm very sad again this morning. Any little thing can set me off crying again. I don't expect things to be better, soon, because I had in my head that she would be born by Valentines' Day. I expect the next two weeks to be really hard.

Back in November, when I made plans to try again in January, I had hoped that we would get pregnant right away again, and that hoping and worrying about a new pregnancy would take my mind off grieving over my due dates. I'm not sure it would have worked, but that's a moot point now.  As it is, I am having a hard time being rational. I've already managed to worry myself into a panic over something that really, was nothing to worry about. I needed help to come down from that state of fear, and now I'm embarrassed, as I could have figured it out for myself, if I'd just thought to look in the right place.

I think what happens is that it's so hard to face the pain and grief directly that I invent other reasons for my feelings. The truth is, I'm just sad. I guess I should try to go easy on myself until the grief starts to lift, but I don't want to go back to feeling this way. Why can't I be done with this pain?