I am afraid that my last post may have sounded ungrateful towards my longtime followers, since many of them have very different stories from mine and from each other.
The truth is, most of the time, I love the fact that in the ALI community, we can all support each other in our family building efforts, regardless of whether our stories have *any* point of continuity other than the desire for a child. I love the fact that the ALI community is a welcoming place, and that no one is shut out for being "different".
Still, I have moments, and days, where the fact that my story is unique to me, and that no one, not even another woman going through RPL, can truly know my exact experience, feels very isolating. That is where I was yesterday. I had gone to a support group over the weekend in hopes of finding some IRL community. Instead I found that I was the odd one out--the only one not having some trouble conceiving. Most people's focus was on treatment for the conception issue, even though some had experiences losses, and I left feeling more alone than before.
I feel much better today. My acupuncture treatment yesterday, along with some Flower Essence, exercise and fresh air, and all the supportive comments I received, made a big difference.
Thank you to everyone who found my post yesterday and reminded me that I am not alone, that my story is not as unique as it sometimes feels. And thanks so much to my readers who have offered support, even when our stories are nearly entirely different. I can't tell you how much I appreciate your ability to look beyond the details and see our common pain. I try to do the same for you. I have met some amazing women here, and even though I haven't personally experienced the specific frustrations of a medicated or IVF cycle or of the adoption process, I am humbled to have the opportunity to learn by watching your journeys, and to offer support where I can.
Some things are easier to share with people in your exact boat, at least I think so.
ReplyDeleteThat's why the ALI community exists, after all, and why even within it people with the same problem seek each other out, to a degree.
Maybe I missed it, but I didn't see you being ungracious....? That being said, my goodness, I've felt isolated/ different- even within our community- more times than I could count. The more losses we have, the fewer people who can relate (and on top of the rareness of infertility... it makes sense...) I am so sorry you have to be ill and recovering from a loss. Sending you warm thoughts.
ReplyDeleteWhile we all have different stories of why we don't have children, we all are technically in the same boat. We all want children and are struggling to conceive, carry a baby, etc.
ReplyDeleteIn a much more technical sense, I myself am not infertile. My tests have all come back perfect. My husband on the other hand...
So sometimes I feel like I don't belong even though in reality, I do. I want a child and am unable to conceive one naturally with my husband.
And even though maybe you haven't yet met anyone who has the exact same situation you have, somewhere in the world, someone does and if they happen upon your blog, they won't feel so alone either. -hugs-
visting with ICLW - isolation, grief and a rollarcoaster of unexplainable moods is perfectly all right. Part of my story is people think I handle loss so well that when the feelings catch up to me and I let them out some clsoest to me can't understand my mood or why. Hugs to you- ICLW #25
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