Dollars and $ense of Family Building

This is my first blog hop, but the topic has been on my mind for a while, so I thought I'd join in. Welcome! 

Money is a big factor in my approach to treatment. It took having several miscarriages to understand why people would drop $$$$ on procedures like IVF that only offered the chance of a baby, with no guarantee. Now, I think I do understand, but luckily that hasn't been an issue for me, yet. In fact, I feel very lucky that the tests and treatments I have needed so far are all fairly reasonable priced. Still, I am constantly aware of how things are adding up, especially things like acupuncture, herbs, and supplements, that are, mostly, out-of-pocket (oop) costs. I am not counting pennies, but I am still very aware of the costs we are incurring.

Even with all the oop costs, the treatments we are looking at are still less expensive than adoption. If it gets to the point where I need a full immune panel and some of the more expensive immune treatments, then some reevaluation of priorities will probably be in order. I know that we could reach a point where the chance of a successful pregnancy won't be worth the cost of treatment for us. Although the experience of pregnancy and giving birth is something I have always dreamed about, adoption has also always been in my heart. I don't know exactly what my tipping point will be, but I know that I have one. I suspect that as the costs of suggested treatments go up, my willingness to gamble on the chance of a biological child will go down. I also don't know if I would be more open to treatments if they were covered by insurance or socialized medicine. I know that finances play a big role in my decision making, but there are other factors as well: emotions, time, physical side effects, etc.

Another interesting twist on this whole financial thing is the possibility that my immune system might reset following a pregnancy, and we might need less treatments for a second or third child, potentially reducing our total family building costs. It's certainly a very seductive possibility, although I know that it is also possible that I will need at least as many treatments for every pregnancy I carry to term. 

Finances have also influenced my current sense that I no longer want to pursue my dream of having a homebirth. There are emotional reasons why I am now more inclined to plan a hospital birth, but finances are a part of that decision. Dropping several grand on something that is only a possibility, and that I have a pretty high chance of getting risked out of, just doesn't feel right to me.

So, on to the specific Blog Hop Questions. I'm going to answer them from my current perspective of pursuing RPL testing and treatment. If we someday decide to adopt, I'm sure some of my answers would be different:

Consider your now or future children as adults, and consider the fact that you had to spend money to either conceive them or make them part of your family. What effect do you think the latter will have on the former one day? What, do you think, your grown children might feel about the funds it took to create your family?
I don't know what effect it will have. Just like I don't know what effect accepting certain treatments will have. I worry about long-term side effects of medical treatments and procedures more, but of course there are emotional effects as well. I am mostly, actually, afraid that my child(ren) will feel some sort of pressure from me to be perfect, because of what lengths I went to, to bring them safely into this world. I don't want to place that kind of emotional burden on my child(ren). I hope that they will know that they were loved before they were born, enough for us to spend significant time and money on bringing them into our lives, but I also hope that knowledge won't be a burden for them.
 
How did/would you handle it if your child asks you, “Mom, how much did I cost?” How would you answer at age 7? At age 18?
In either case, I am spending money as much on my own health as on my future children. Most of the treatments I am undergoing improve my overall health. At age 7, I might say, "It cost us more money than some parents because my pregnancies were high risk. It was worth it to us to spend that money, because we wanted you to be born safe and healthy."

At age 18, I like what Baby Smiling said: "Bringing you into the world cost a lot less than we’re about to spend on your college education." I think I would say something similar. I would probably avoid giving a dollar amount, but I might give some kind of value equivalent. It would depend on the child and the context of the conversation.

Now, if my child was having his/her own challenges with family building, that might be the appropriate time to share more information about specific treatments and costs. But because of inflation and medical advances, the information probably wouldn't be very relevant.

When calculating the costs of your family building, what do you include? The direct costs are easy (such as RE fees for a cycle or homestudy fees), but what about fees that didn’t directly lead to your child’s existence in your life, such as cycles that didn’t work, adoption outreach avenues that didn’t work, failed adoptions, avenues that were explored (and that cost something) but not pursued, etc.?
In my mind, I am counting the oop expenses more than the total costs (including what insurance covers). So far, most of our expenses have been oop for things insurance wouldn't cover anyway. I count all the acupuncture, herbs, and otc supplements, as well as the doctors visits, lab fees, and prescription meds. But I'm not actually adding them all up. I just mentally consider them all to be related to this first child we are hoping to have.

Have you considered having ART treatments abroad, either due to lower cost or due to certain methods being unavailable or illegal in your own country? In your decision-making, how did you balance the financial savings against issues like the unknowns of the country, perhaps not speaking the language, and medical practices that may differ from those of your home country? If you did travel abroad for treatments, what was your experience? Would you do it again?
I have considered the possibility that, if we get a full immune panel done at some point, there is at least one treatment, LIT, that is not currently easily available in the US. I might seriously consider medical tourism for that treatment, if (and this is a big if) it seemed to be the only thing that might help me carry to term. However, one of the reasons this treatment is not available is because it is very controversial. That aspect of it would give me pause. I would have to deeply consider many implications before I accepted that treatment.

As far as unknowns of the country go, I would look for referrals to particular treatment centers, and I would try to learn the language, at least enough to get by. I haven't thought about different medical practices, but that is certainly worth consideration as well. Medical tourism is not something I would choose to do on a whim.  

Visit Write Mind Open Heart for more perspectives on the Dollars and $ense of Family Building and to add your own link to the blog hop by May 1, should you want to contribute your thoughts.