Dream Baby

I wanted to share this entry from my pregnancy/loss journal:

This morning, I dreamed I had a baby. I held it, stroked it's head, and taught it to smile and to kiss me. It tried to smile, but it also made funny, baby faces. It was fully formed, but much smaller than normal. It was wrapped in a blanket and all I could see was its head--a tiny head It had blond, fuzzy hair and blond, springy eyebrows. Its lips were red, its eyes were open, and it was beautiful.

I do not know this baby's name, or whether it was a girl or a boy. I do not know where it came from. I do know that I was its mother--it was mine--and I loved it very much and I was happy holding it. I felt as if I could stare at and ply with my baby for hours and hours. I was entranced.

I woke up happy. This dream gave me hope. Since there was no pregnancy or birth in the dream, the baby might have been adopted. Since it was so small, it might represent the dream babies I miscarried that should still be growing inside me. In any case, in the dream I knew I was a mother, and, waking up, I was filled with certainty that I will be a mother of  a living child someday.