Today is a heavy grief day. It's really hard to blog on heavy grief days. It's hard to put the feelings into words. Grieving is so complex, and grief mixed with reproduction and all the related decisions is even more complex. How does one explain a day of feeling hope, fear, pain, certainty of failure, desire to try again, just plain desire, listlessness, loneliness, sorrow, and a little excitement, all mixed together? A heavy grief day. So few words. So much meaning.
I cried. I thought about commemorating my babies on Oct. 15th. I though about how to raise awareness when I don't want to tell people IRL about what happened to me. I knit.
I tried to take care of myself. Basic things:
- Shower
- Exercise
- Food
- Meditation
Hopefully some journal work to come. And I need to water my strawberries. I am glad to have some projects and some plants. It keeps me somewhat sane.
I saw a book today called The Mother's Comfort Book. I thought, it needs a companion: The Bereaved Mother's Comfort Book. Or something. There's just not enough for us PAIL mom's out there . . .
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